we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
