I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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