hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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