I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize