I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
