not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
