so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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