you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's shark week go big or go home
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize