He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
