There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think your dad took our porno
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
FUCK WHALES
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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