i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
