There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
