Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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