well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He passed out mid-signature
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
