New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
