I think i peed on brittanys purse
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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