Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
