I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
