I'm really into asian looking animals
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
