i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
