I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
