Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Damn victory sex feels great
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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