bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
