Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
