i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
