in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
