i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
