why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
