Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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