Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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