the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
