I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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