You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
