remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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