Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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