Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
