Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
