I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
