that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize