it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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