drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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