Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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