Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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