a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
