she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I would fuck him just for his dog
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
