I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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