I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
