if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
