AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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