I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize