shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
