hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
