I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
