Fine. I'll sleep in my office
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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