They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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