Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
