Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
