I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
