dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
dude. I can hear the air.
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