youre lurking in front of me
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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