why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
