I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
