That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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