Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
