I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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