I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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