She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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