I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
