Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
