So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
