all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My balls are so social today.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
